Its December again!!! Most importantly the week where my mentor (who I'm a parody of) "The Real Jesus" was born. Let's not get carried away by the eating and drinking, singing and dancing, throwing and blowing, working and chilling.....in fact we should be very alert even though the euphoria of the moment is very overwhelming. (I'm sure you can do it)
Okay!!! I would be sharing with you 4 points developed by inspiration on what to avoid this yuletide season, pls pay rapt attention. (Don't pre-empt me,jus follow my lead) I'm sure you would be smiling at d end of this piece. Oya naa leggo:
1) Do NOT go about asking for/expecting gifts from everyone u know. The essence of this season is giving not demanding, so its best you are on the giving end (that's when u are really celebrating). Even if you don't have money, you can give your time, attention, kind words and even smiles (wonderful disposition). You wudnt believe how encouraging this could be to others.
2) Do NOT be a pest/ nuisance to others cos you are trying to have your fun. ie be considerate and see that you disturb others less in your grooving this season beit with your music/screaming/yelling/cooking/partying or what have you. Try to ensure that your activities don't disturb the peace/tranquility of others and also be conscious of your environment (don't be dirty,clean up after every event).
3) Do NOT forget the importance of family and friends this season. For most of us who are busy/pre-occupied all year round this is a time to show our friends and family that we care, even though we might not keep tabs on them, they should be able to look forward to Christmas and New year with optimism that you would "send them".
I paraphrase the bible "Two people can help each other succeed, when one falls the other helps him up, its a tragedy to fall alone cos no one would be there to help you get up. In time of cold, shared warmth is most effective. Two or more standing together can defeat a lot of things, a three fold cord is not easily broken" (Ecc 4:9-12 NIV)
Drawing from this already established fact, if there is anyone you should spend your time with this season, it should be someone close/dear to you. Remember people are very important in life; you can't do without them.
4) Do NOT forget to rest this season. All year round we do so many things; work hard, study hard, develop ourselves, set goals, plan, execute plans, evaluate ourselves and even petition God but majority of us are guilty of relegating "rest" to the periphery.
Rest is very important and when I say rest I mean "ceasing work or movement in order to relax, refresh yourself and recover strength". Psychologists have discovered that your waist line gets thicker (Obesity), you feel sicker, your memory is wiped and you stand a higher risk of cancer when you don't rest. (Someone is pulling on me now; she is declaring faith haha)
Do you know that even God (the personality that fetches water with a basket just to disgrace the bucket) rested after 6days of creation, so who are you not to rest? You don't need to be jaded/tired before you rest, just take time out and chill this season, Indulge in more sleep, relax more often and appreciate nature. I'm sure next year would be better than this for you!
I hope you would consciously cultivate the positives gotten from this piece and avoid the 4 DONTs discussed above. Once again Black Jesus says "Seasons Greetings to you and also thanks you for making this blog a success by your faithful patronage"
Love you!
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
The Stalemate
What I'm sharing today is a conversation that took place over a year ago in my mind between Black Jesus and my "Inner Woman".
Pls note that this is not just a story but a way to express Black Jesus' views on the matter.
You are encouraged to read objectively and carefully, as I do what I do best; Turning a serious/boring topic into smfin interesting and informative at the same time. Oshamo!!!
(Act1 Scene 1)
Black Jesus: Women r rily strong o,they battle with menstrual pain, sexual harassment, domestic labour, child birth, pressure from everywhere and also the big dilemma "The choice between Family and Career".
Inner Woman: Yeah that's true sha but then, in more developed countries women have a lower propensity to crumble under these situations.
Black Jesus: Stop am o!!! Evrytin we say in Nigeria we cn like to give ourselves hope by pointing at Europe and America. Let's face facts.
Inner Woman: it's worse in Nigeria honey, women are not seen/treated as equals with men, women are sex tools and symbols and most saddening, u cnt have family and career as a woman.
Black Jesus: I understand ur pain but do u tink u women are going about it the right way? oya choose 1 sef, family or career?
Inner Woman: That's exactly wat am saying, why do we have to choose? Why must we women be exposed to a future where we have a wonderful family and kids but low/no career fulfilment? Why do we have to pay with our marital life when we pursue careers unlike the men?
Black Jesus: its jus d way d society wz structured 4rm d beginning my dear. Derz a place for the woman. Accept it!!! Dis dsnt make her subservient or lower bt jst states dat ladies shud get deir priorities right. *clears throat, gulps some water as he wipes his face* D bible defines it clearly Adam wz dia,Eve his helper.
Inner Woman: Pls shut up. What is all these rubbish u r saying? *visibly angry*
Black Jesus: why don't u calm down nd hear what I have to say na. Okay look at the New testament, the man is the head and his wife, the neck to support d man. (EPH 5:22-23, 1COR 11:3 MSG) Hence ts safe to say the woman z d pivot upon wich d man stands. Little wonder they say behind erry successful man z a GREAT WIFE
Inner Woman: abeg abeg!!! \_____. Don't come and use bible to cover up ur chauvinistic views here. All humans are equal and must be treated as equals #gbam
Black Jesus: Babe calm down na, dis doesnt mean she wudnt have her own dreams or ambitions, it Jus implies that in d pursuit of hers, she shudnt forget that d man's vision became hers d day she married him. Pls be objective abt dis!!!
Inner Woman: all your story is for ur pocket,me I cnt sha sacrifice my own aspirations for one man's dreams. Every human shud carry his/her own cross abeg. *already fuming*
Black Jesus: *getting worked up too* see ehn, If u like, fight urself 4rm nw till u die,its nt gonna change cos that's d natural phenomenon and even still, divine order of things....
Inner Woman: (interrupts) Just shut-up you chauvinistic prick! Black Jesus: (Talking notwithstanding) For ur own peace of mind nd advancement in life my dear, I advice you drop dis line of argument in d classroom and face d real world of harsh realities.
I have a mom too nd I knw wht she faces @ her work place mst esp cos shez a single mom in a volatile political setting. She used 2have problems back then wen she questioned d status quo relentlessly and openly but 4rm d day she discovered twas a white elephant project,she changed her modus-operandi, then she began to be willy, tactful, cunning and smart in her dealings with the sharks out there. She kisses d right asses,she inflates d right egos and boom!!! shez d only female favorite.
Inner Woman: Cool story bro!!!
Black Jesus: (Ignoring her jeers) What women really need is wisdom nt rebellion. I'm sayin dis cos if only they were wiser, they wud see that there z no fight. They r naturally mre powerful and dangerous so y fight d less powerful. They r channelling in d wrong direction.
Inner Woman: Die already ┌П┐ Black Jesu abi what did u say ur name is?
Black Jesus: okay o, I'd shut-up if that wud make u happy. Just so u know, I said all dis jus cos I love you and I wnt it 2b well wichu. If u tink odawise,well then.....
. . . . . . . . . (Curtain Falls)
You are encouraged to read objectively and carefully, as I do what I do best; Turning a serious/boring topic into smfin interesting and informative at the same time. Oshamo!!!
(Act1 Scene 1)
Black Jesus: Women r rily strong o,they battle with menstrual pain, sexual harassment, domestic labour, child birth, pressure from everywhere and also the big dilemma "The choice between Family and Career".
Inner Woman: Yeah that's true sha but then, in more developed countries women have a lower propensity to crumble under these situations.
Black Jesus: Stop am o!!! Evrytin we say in Nigeria we cn like to give ourselves hope by pointing at Europe and America. Let's face facts.
Inner Woman: it's worse in Nigeria honey, women are not seen/treated as equals with men, women are sex tools and symbols and most saddening, u cnt have family and career as a woman.
Black Jesus: I understand ur pain but do u tink u women are going about it the right way? oya choose 1 sef, family or career?
Inner Woman: That's exactly wat am saying, why do we have to choose? Why must we women be exposed to a future where we have a wonderful family and kids but low/no career fulfilment? Why do we have to pay with our marital life when we pursue careers unlike the men?
Black Jesus: its jus d way d society wz structured 4rm d beginning my dear. Derz a place for the woman. Accept it!!! Dis dsnt make her subservient or lower bt jst states dat ladies shud get deir priorities right. *clears throat, gulps some water as he wipes his face* D bible defines it clearly Adam wz dia,Eve his helper.
Inner Woman: Pls shut up. What is all these rubbish u r saying? *visibly angry*
Black Jesus: why don't u calm down nd hear what I have to say na. Okay look at the New testament, the man is the head and his wife, the neck to support d man. (EPH 5:22-23, 1COR 11:3 MSG) Hence ts safe to say the woman z d pivot upon wich d man stands. Little wonder they say behind erry successful man z a GREAT WIFE
Inner Woman: abeg abeg!!! \_____. Don't come and use bible to cover up ur chauvinistic views here. All humans are equal and must be treated as equals #gbam
Black Jesus: Babe calm down na, dis doesnt mean she wudnt have her own dreams or ambitions, it Jus implies that in d pursuit of hers, she shudnt forget that d man's vision became hers d day she married him. Pls be objective abt dis!!!
Inner Woman: all your story is for ur pocket,me I cnt sha sacrifice my own aspirations for one man's dreams. Every human shud carry his/her own cross abeg. *already fuming*
Black Jesus: *getting worked up too* see ehn, If u like, fight urself 4rm nw till u die,its nt gonna change cos that's d natural phenomenon and even still, divine order of things....
Inner Woman: (interrupts) Just shut-up you chauvinistic prick! Black Jesus: (Talking notwithstanding) For ur own peace of mind nd advancement in life my dear, I advice you drop dis line of argument in d classroom and face d real world of harsh realities.
I have a mom too nd I knw wht she faces @ her work place mst esp cos shez a single mom in a volatile political setting. She used 2have problems back then wen she questioned d status quo relentlessly and openly but 4rm d day she discovered twas a white elephant project,she changed her modus-operandi, then she began to be willy, tactful, cunning and smart in her dealings with the sharks out there. She kisses d right asses,she inflates d right egos and boom!!! shez d only female favorite.
Inner Woman: Cool story bro!!!
Black Jesus: (Ignoring her jeers) What women really need is wisdom nt rebellion. I'm sayin dis cos if only they were wiser, they wud see that there z no fight. They r naturally mre powerful and dangerous so y fight d less powerful. They r channelling in d wrong direction.
Inner Woman: Die already ┌П┐ Black Jesu abi what did u say ur name is?
Black Jesus: okay o, I'd shut-up if that wud make u happy. Just so u know, I said all dis jus cos I love you and I wnt it 2b well wichu. If u tink odawise,well then.....
. . . . . . . . . (Curtain Falls)
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Animal dey wear AGBADA
Charles Darwin,the famous scientist who gave his life to Christ on his death bed, in his theses categorically stated that men came into existence by a process he called "evolution". To Darwin, the early man evolved thru different stages ie homo erectus (Erect Man), homo habilis (Handling Man) and finally the homo sapiens (YOU).
As usual,u know Black Jesus is always a step ahead trying to make the world a better place. He is a son of Yaweh who believes God created us on the 6th day (creationism),therefore I (Black Jesus) stand to disagree wit Darwin that we evolved from apes.
Even though I believe Darwin was wrong, I somehow agree that there is a relationship between HUMANS and ANIMALS because on close observation,it is noticeable that humans act in ways certain animals would also do. Deductively speaking, if P then Q,therefore P=Q.
Have you ever seen a man urinating where the sign says "Ma to sibiyi" or someone crossing the express way right under the pedestrian bridge? Have you ever seen someone that can't go for a minute without telling cool stories/lying or a guy that can't enter you room without something following him out quietly when he is leaving? (U r smiling now hehe)
Its easy, quote me anywhere "We are all Animals manifesting in the human dimension". Deep down in us there is an animal that exhibits itself in our behaviour as we relate with others daily. Well below is a list of animals and possible number of behavioural traits that could be exhibited by we humans.
Dog= very loyal, submissive, shameless.
Fox= Cunning, sly, scheming.
Skunk= Body odour,Mouth odour, Hair Odour (infact errytin na odour).
Lizard= very very agreeable, stupid, evasive.
Lion= Lazy, Horny, Greedy (GrubiNne and GrubiDo).
Monkey= Playful, Silly, Naughty.
Peacock= Swaggered, Proud, Goodlooking.
Snake= Disloyal,Snitch,Deceitful,Dangerous.
Chameleon= pretender, adaptable, survival oriented.
Cat= attention freak, PDA lover (public display of attention), Touchy/Cuddly Mosquito/Housefly: Nuisance, Plague, Stalker, annoying, impish.
Just incase you don't find your category there,don't be dismayed. You can contact me via e-mail nd I'd gladly show you your animal.
Don't gimme that crap about you not being an animal *rme* I aint buying!!! Deep down, there is an animal controlling your actions. The question is "Do u want to start controlling your animal? Or u would rather have the animal dictate to you (Human)?
This is a question only you can answer,just know that you have the power to control your animal but you need to:
-Acknowledge there is an animal in you.
-Discover the animal.
-Identify the traits the animal shows and cross examine yourself.
-Desire you be in charge once again.
-Do the exact opposite of what your animal wants (repeatedly).
I'm sure you would be the person u want to be rather than the person you find yourself being.
See you next week *exiting the Ashram*
As usual,u know Black Jesus is always a step ahead trying to make the world a better place. He is a son of Yaweh who believes God created us on the 6th day (creationism),therefore I (Black Jesus) stand to disagree wit Darwin that we evolved from apes.
Even though I believe Darwin was wrong, I somehow agree that there is a relationship between HUMANS and ANIMALS because on close observation,it is noticeable that humans act in ways certain animals would also do. Deductively speaking, if P then Q,therefore P=Q.
Have you ever seen a man urinating where the sign says "Ma to sibiyi" or someone crossing the express way right under the pedestrian bridge? Have you ever seen someone that can't go for a minute without telling cool stories/lying or a guy that can't enter you room without something following him out quietly when he is leaving? (U r smiling now hehe)
Its easy, quote me anywhere "We are all Animals manifesting in the human dimension". Deep down in us there is an animal that exhibits itself in our behaviour as we relate with others daily. Well below is a list of animals and possible number of behavioural traits that could be exhibited by we humans.
Dog= very loyal, submissive, shameless.
Fox= Cunning, sly, scheming.
Skunk= Body odour,Mouth odour, Hair Odour (infact errytin na odour).
Lizard= very very agreeable, stupid, evasive.
Lion= Lazy, Horny, Greedy (GrubiNne and GrubiDo).
Monkey= Playful, Silly, Naughty.
Peacock= Swaggered, Proud, Goodlooking.
Snake= Disloyal,Snitch,Deceitful,Dangerous.
Chameleon= pretender, adaptable, survival oriented.
Cat= attention freak, PDA lover (public display of attention), Touchy/Cuddly Mosquito/Housefly: Nuisance, Plague, Stalker, annoying, impish.
Just incase you don't find your category there,don't be dismayed. You can contact me via e-mail nd I'd gladly show you your animal.
Don't gimme that crap about you not being an animal *rme* I aint buying!!! Deep down, there is an animal controlling your actions. The question is "Do u want to start controlling your animal? Or u would rather have the animal dictate to you (Human)?
This is a question only you can answer,just know that you have the power to control your animal but you need to:
-Acknowledge there is an animal in you.
-Discover the animal.
-Identify the traits the animal shows and cross examine yourself.
-Desire you be in charge once again.
-Do the exact opposite of what your animal wants (repeatedly).
I'm sure you would be the person u want to be rather than the person you find yourself being.
See you next week *exiting the Ashram*
Monday, December 03, 2012
What a Guy Wants ft Lady Gangnam
Special thanks goes to the simulator of this piece, Lady Gangnam (anoda very gud writer tho shy) and my ever scrutinising editor, Vic GGMUB!!! Lady Gangnam's work is the basis/foundation of this piece nd she is duly recognised. Without much ado,let's get to the ish of the day.
"What is it a guy wants?" He tells you Brazilian hair don't mean shit, Wearing a short dress and cleavage isn't decent. He tells you too much make up sucks and makes you look scary. However on his bb he saves girls dressed just as described above. He puts up pictures of them. When he goes clubbing he dances with them. When he is driving by, he is constantly checking them out". This is what my friend Cecilia said to me last week.
Honestly ehn.....as she sed all deze tins to me, my conscience bin dey prick me like crazy. I contested her claim of course,I even tagged it as "spurious" bt deep down in me.....I knew she was saying the truth. I'm a gud looking guy....yeah...got a couple of chics around me (I'm not an Olodo in short).
Weneva any1 asks me wht kind of girl I wnt, I always paint a picture of a decent,nice,intelligent nd fun girl......cool story noni.....honestly speaking,I wudnt mind a crazy n freaky girl dts willing to make my head spin nd also make my soldier stand at attention lol.
Not that I'm unserious...NO.....far 4rm it sef, I jus love to have a gud time nd I wudnt contest d fact that these "plastic girls" (Make-up wearing, Cleavage baring, loose n wild girls) get to me sometimes. Wen I see dem,I jus wanna be with them lol (I'm a man,I'm not a perv). They look like LUST itself and even deir avi on twitter makes u wanna munch or grab d screen. In a bit I find mysef askin for a ffbck or smfin related to famzin sha.
Sadly,after gettin d ffbck or mentioning one anoda...t dsnt go beyond there. Why? This is what I cnt explain. I dnt try 2 DM them or anytin,dey jus become that person u see on ur TL 1ce in a whyl.
Now the question is why did I start d whole P? Aswr I dnt knw. Dis dsnt apply to me alone o, oda guys r guilty of this and this leads us to the subject matter....WHAT DO GUYS WANT? WHY DO THEY DISTURB THESE GIRLS? TO WHAT END IS THE WHOLE SETTING OF P?
Honestly speaking,I don't know! Mayb Sango or Amadioha would know sha,all I know is that the questions are definitely for the gods.
Black Jesus say Holaaaaaa
"What is it a guy wants?" He tells you Brazilian hair don't mean shit, Wearing a short dress and cleavage isn't decent. He tells you too much make up sucks and makes you look scary. However on his bb he saves girls dressed just as described above. He puts up pictures of them. When he goes clubbing he dances with them. When he is driving by, he is constantly checking them out". This is what my friend Cecilia said to me last week.
Honestly ehn.....as she sed all deze tins to me, my conscience bin dey prick me like crazy. I contested her claim of course,I even tagged it as "spurious" bt deep down in me.....I knew she was saying the truth. I'm a gud looking guy....yeah...got a couple of chics around me (I'm not an Olodo in short).
Weneva any1 asks me wht kind of girl I wnt, I always paint a picture of a decent,nice,intelligent nd fun girl......cool story noni.....honestly speaking,I wudnt mind a crazy n freaky girl dts willing to make my head spin nd also make my soldier stand at attention lol.
Not that I'm unserious...NO.....far 4rm it sef, I jus love to have a gud time nd I wudnt contest d fact that these "plastic girls" (Make-up wearing, Cleavage baring, loose n wild girls) get to me sometimes. Wen I see dem,I jus wanna be with them lol (I'm a man,I'm not a perv). They look like LUST itself and even deir avi on twitter makes u wanna munch or grab d screen. In a bit I find mysef askin for a ffbck or smfin related to famzin sha.
Sadly,after gettin d ffbck or mentioning one anoda...t dsnt go beyond there. Why? This is what I cnt explain. I dnt try 2 DM them or anytin,dey jus become that person u see on ur TL 1ce in a whyl.
Now the question is why did I start d whole P? Aswr I dnt knw. Dis dsnt apply to me alone o, oda guys r guilty of this and this leads us to the subject matter....WHAT DO GUYS WANT? WHY DO THEY DISTURB THESE GIRLS? TO WHAT END IS THE WHOLE SETTING OF P?
Honestly speaking,I don't know! Mayb Sango or Amadioha would know sha,all I know is that the questions are definitely for the gods.
Black Jesus say Holaaaaaa
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