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Dear School of Hard Knocks readers,

My name is Tega and they say I need help. Basically, I'm the most arrogant person you would ever meet, I have a really nasty attitude and I treat people like shit; that's what they say. Most of the friends I made in the past deserted me simply because they couldn't stand me. Not that I care or anything, I'm just saying.

You can't imagine the kind of things that run through my head half of the time, how I spend the remainder in self adulation. I do things because the world says I shouldn't, I love to break the rules and make mine, I take orders from no one; all I do is ME. If you aint me, you aint shit.

Before I forget, I'm darn good looking. I'm 6ft4 tall, I have 6-distinctive packs, broad shoulders, triceps, high cheek bones, a full beard, chiseled face and the most organised afro plantation in the world. Sorry if it seems like I am bragging, I don't mean to bruise your already battered esteem. That's just me! People naturally feel threatened when they are around me.

Financially, I'm waded! I spend money at will without much thought to saving or investing, I just blow money fast. You know the funny thing? People that save and calculate don't live the kind of life I live. They never seem to have enough while I lavish in recurrence just to give myself an emotional boost.

Did you just say church? Hahahaha I don't believe in any overrated god abeg. I'm just a dude who does his thing. Religious people infuriate me, looking pious and staring with their judging eyes. I'd rather worship myself

At work, I'm known for my efficiency and professionalism; the fact that I make hundreds of millions per annum for the company is the reason they are holding on to me. I know my colleagues and subordinates can't stand me and I'm unperturbed about that knowledge.

My family wants to have nothing to do with me, they think I have a drug problem. Friends are non-existent and I'm bereft of female companionship asides the women of easy virtue that pleasure me when I need to take a leak. These days I'm  beginning to think I have a problem, the whole world couldn't possibly be wrong, could they? However, I'm still me; anyone who doesn't take me for me can please leave me alone.

Notwithstanding I need to have a few people around me. People I can talk to, confide in and share wonderful memories with but I don't know how to go about it. I've tried times without number to no avail, so I gave up.

I guess I'm destined for a life of solitude and over dependence on social media to express myself, I hope the social media folks won't think I'm too needy and hate me.

Much Gratitude

Tega Tom

Chicken Nuggets

•Constant criticism never changes a person, it only leaves the recipient worse off.

•He that wants friends should show himself friendly.