(Motorist signals to gateman to remove an obstacle)
Gateman: Oga, you cannot park here; go front abeg!
Motorist: *seeming impatient* I just want to use the atm, I would be done in 2mins. Hold on!
Gateman: You nor dey hear word? I say you no fit park for here abi anoda tin dey dia?
Motorist: *taking offense* What do you mean? Do you know who you are talking to? I can make you lose your job this minute.
Gateman: (after having a good laugh) my oga is at the top abeg! jus bekos you zee me dey do gateman work no mean say u go follo me talk anyhow. This na my office and I be the general manager for hia! Carry your motor comot for dis place abeg
Motorist: How dare you address me in this manner? You this good for nothing loaf head, I must parler with your employer this moment; you ignoramus, bum-bum clat, bloody kinta kunte. Don't you know that I am Chief Adedotun Quincy-Jones, the MD/CEO of Quincy-Jones and sons? You must be a nutcase to address me in that manner.
(People start to gather and watch the goings-on)
Gateman: (Looking puzzled) wetin bring all dis tory now? Me jus yarn you say my oga tok say make person no park for hia. Ehn oga mi sir, e be like say u dey mistake me. I no follo you fight o, I jus dey tok say make you no park for hia.
Motorist: Now I can see that you are a moron. That your brains are in a delapidated state, you have indeed been given over to a reprobate mind. I'm quite certain your birth was prompted by coitus between a midget and a dullard. Get out of my sight!
(The manager rushes down to alleviate the looming trouble)
Manager: Good afternoon sir! I'm the manager of this establishment and this man is my staff. Can you please calm down and tell me what is going on!
Motorist: Thank God someone is finally speaking to me in a manner befitting to someone of my calibre. I wanted to use the atm adjacent your building and I hoped to station my vehicle here before this menial labourer began to harass me.
Manager: I'm sorry about that sir, he surely didn't mean to be rude. However, there is a no-parking rule and he was given specific instructions not to allow people park here.
Motorist: Ah! Here comes another foolhardy one. I thought you had a solution to proffer, you simply echoed exactly what this ignoramus has been saying. You people don't know who I am..(laughs scornfully)..my wife is the commissioner for works and housing, my daughter is the marketing manager of Google Nigeria. In all humility, I am a business juggernaut myself. I have the ability to make or mar your business if you don't let sleeping dogs lie.
Gateman: ooOoooooooooo wish kain yeye tok dis man dey pour for mouth wey d tin dey draw am like say na mama Nkechi ogbono.
Manager: Akpan, shut up! (Facing the motorist) sir I don't think your approach is the best. You cannot park here and If you refuse to move, I might be forced to invite a law enforcement official.
(The motorist impulsively slaps the manager and a scuffle ensues, the gateman later joins in. 15 minutes later, a policeman arrives on a motorcycle and separates them)
Policeman: Oga what is happening here?
Motorist: I parked here and this smelly security man started yelling at me. He spoke to me with no discretion, I can confidently conclude that he is a total scalar quantity. His incontextuous volant-style of abuse was abysmally quagmire-like in my own opinion. I was left with no choice but put him in his place.
Policeman: emmm that is not what I'm asking you sir, I just want to know what happened.
Manager: This is what we have been facing o, he speaks all this grammar and then stoops low to physically abusing me and my staff.
Motorist: I'm certain many of these words are completely alien to you. Its with immense sadness that I announce to you that you are perpendicullarly located and simultaneously similar to a nincompoop.
Manager: Some screws are lose in this man's head oga police, please place him in a mental home.
Police: I would put that in this report I'm preparing. This man is mad.
Motorist: My heart weeps as I regard your opulent show of mundanity. At the same time I see you lack a degree of verisimilitude in your assessment of me. I must file a suit concomitant to the laws of the land. I must speak to my lawyer!
(The policeman, motorist, security and onlookers all speak at the same time, each trying to have his point heard)
From this incident, we learned that:
- When you are dealing with seemingly lowly people eg security, cleaners, servers etc you should be more cautious in your manner of approach, show some respect and you'd be surprised how they would bend the rules in your favour.
- Don't go about trying to prove to people that your are very important and well connected that you can disregard rules. Just be sensible and conform when required; it would save you your dignity.
- In your communication with others, select your diction carefully so you pass the message correctly. If the recipient doesn't understand you, then you are not communicating. Don't forget that clarity, coherence, simplicity and politeness are the features of a good communicator. A wrong choice of words could prove very costly.
THANK YOU
Gateman: Oga, you cannot park here; go front abeg!
Motorist: *seeming impatient* I just want to use the atm, I would be done in 2mins. Hold on!
Gateman: You nor dey hear word? I say you no fit park for here abi anoda tin dey dia?
Motorist: *taking offense* What do you mean? Do you know who you are talking to? I can make you lose your job this minute.
Gateman: (after having a good laugh) my oga is at the top abeg! jus bekos you zee me dey do gateman work no mean say u go follo me talk anyhow. This na my office and I be the general manager for hia! Carry your motor comot for dis place abeg
Motorist: How dare you address me in this manner? You this good for nothing loaf head, I must parler with your employer this moment; you ignoramus, bum-bum clat, bloody kinta kunte. Don't you know that I am Chief Adedotun Quincy-Jones, the MD/CEO of Quincy-Jones and sons? You must be a nutcase to address me in that manner.
(People start to gather and watch the goings-on)
Gateman: (Looking puzzled) wetin bring all dis tory now? Me jus yarn you say my oga tok say make person no park for hia. Ehn oga mi sir, e be like say u dey mistake me. I no follo you fight o, I jus dey tok say make you no park for hia.
Motorist: Now I can see that you are a moron. That your brains are in a delapidated state, you have indeed been given over to a reprobate mind. I'm quite certain your birth was prompted by coitus between a midget and a dullard. Get out of my sight!
(The manager rushes down to alleviate the looming trouble)
Manager: Good afternoon sir! I'm the manager of this establishment and this man is my staff. Can you please calm down and tell me what is going on!
Motorist: Thank God someone is finally speaking to me in a manner befitting to someone of my calibre. I wanted to use the atm adjacent your building and I hoped to station my vehicle here before this menial labourer began to harass me.
Manager: I'm sorry about that sir, he surely didn't mean to be rude. However, there is a no-parking rule and he was given specific instructions not to allow people park here.
Motorist: Ah! Here comes another foolhardy one. I thought you had a solution to proffer, you simply echoed exactly what this ignoramus has been saying. You people don't know who I am..(laughs scornfully)..my wife is the commissioner for works and housing, my daughter is the marketing manager of Google Nigeria. In all humility, I am a business juggernaut myself. I have the ability to make or mar your business if you don't let sleeping dogs lie.
Gateman: ooOoooooooooo wish kain yeye tok dis man dey pour for mouth wey d tin dey draw am like say na mama Nkechi ogbono.
Manager: Akpan, shut up! (Facing the motorist) sir I don't think your approach is the best. You cannot park here and If you refuse to move, I might be forced to invite a law enforcement official.
(The motorist impulsively slaps the manager and a scuffle ensues, the gateman later joins in. 15 minutes later, a policeman arrives on a motorcycle and separates them)
Policeman: Oga what is happening here?
Motorist: I parked here and this smelly security man started yelling at me. He spoke to me with no discretion, I can confidently conclude that he is a total scalar quantity. His incontextuous volant-style of abuse was abysmally quagmire-like in my own opinion. I was left with no choice but put him in his place.
Policeman: emmm that is not what I'm asking you sir, I just want to know what happened.
Manager: This is what we have been facing o, he speaks all this grammar and then stoops low to physically abusing me and my staff.
Motorist: I'm certain many of these words are completely alien to you. Its with immense sadness that I announce to you that you are perpendicullarly located and simultaneously similar to a nincompoop.
Manager: Some screws are lose in this man's head oga police, please place him in a mental home.
Police: I would put that in this report I'm preparing. This man is mad.
Motorist: My heart weeps as I regard your opulent show of mundanity. At the same time I see you lack a degree of verisimilitude in your assessment of me. I must file a suit concomitant to the laws of the land. I must speak to my lawyer!
(The policeman, motorist, security and onlookers all speak at the same time, each trying to have his point heard)
From this incident, we learned that:
- When you are dealing with seemingly lowly people eg security, cleaners, servers etc you should be more cautious in your manner of approach, show some respect and you'd be surprised how they would bend the rules in your favour.
- Don't go about trying to prove to people that your are very important and well connected that you can disregard rules. Just be sensible and conform when required; it would save you your dignity.
- In your communication with others, select your diction carefully so you pass the message correctly. If the recipient doesn't understand you, then you are not communicating. Don't forget that clarity, coherence, simplicity and politeness are the features of a good communicator. A wrong choice of words could prove very costly.
THANK YOU
Your style is unique, kudos!
ReplyDeleteYeah...poor people deserve to be respected too!
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I haven't seen some of these words in years.
ReplyDeleteWell done BJ